okay, peanut.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little bit worried about the bubble. Of course, there are plenty of women who make it through their pregnancies just fine, sans complications or miscarriages. But every time I start reading blogs or posts on message boards, I come across stories of women who’ve been crushed by bad news. I can’t help but worry. A recent google search on a subject totally unrelated to miscarriages led me to these four stories out of the 24 results I breezed though:

• One gal learned at 10 weeks that she had a molar pregnancy.
• Another learned of a miscarriage at 11 weeks. No heartbeat with doppler or ultrasound.
• A third learned of a miscarriage at her first appointment – 8 weeks in.
• The next story was of a woman who had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. Of several expecting women she knew, two also lost their babies at about the same time.

I see my White Coat for the first time on October 6th (I’ll be 8 weeks.), and while I was originally anticipating the day with incredible excitement, I’m now totally afraid there will be no heartbeat or no bubble to see.

I’m not a worrier and typically don’t even think about things like this. And no, I won’t spend the next two weeks thinking about it constantly, but it will be in the back of my mind. I know this is something I have no control over; I didn’t create this miracle, and I can’t make the decision to keep it here. It is what it is.

While we’re on the subject of worries, I’ve got two more. Seriously, very uncharacteristic of me! First, I’m really dreading telling my boss. He’s one of those men. I’ll withhold all other details, but I can say with some certainty that he’ll be a jerk about it. Sad part is that I’m going to have to tell him soon, due to certain circumstances being as they are within our organization.

. : |   P R O C E E D   W I T H   C A U T I O N !   R A N T   A H E A D !   | : .

Okay, in the interest of peace, love and happiness, I’ve decided not to publish my beautiful rant and worry #2. Perhaps one day in the future, but for now, it’s been moved to a separate post and set to private. I’m almost positive the individual I’m ranting about doesn’t read my blog, but still, I need to discuss the issue with them first. Summary – people need to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business, perhaps focusing energy on things that are relevant to them. What you’re discussing will not impact you or anyone we know, so you can drop the subject and kindly STOP talking about me, please!!! I hereby vow to not lose any more sleep or shed any more tears over you and your opinions, and although that vow has not worked in the past, and you know it, today is a new day. Thank you.

… sorry …

Yeah, I’m just having a really bad day. Watch the 5 o’clock news for the following headline: “Prego Lady Mutates Into Psycho B!tch.” Um, that’ll be me, and though I don’t yet know what I’ll do when I go postal, rest assured, I’ll be the blonde chick throwing up all over the place. Oh, and depending on the crime, you might need to come bail me out of jail!

There’s been some discussion lately about whether the bubble is a boy or girl. Of course, it already knows which it is, but we don’t! Believe me, I truly have no preference. Both are fun for different reasons, and either will be an absolute blessing to me. I’m not sure about Justin’s opinion, but I have a feeling it’s the same. Our families have interesting histories, with my parents side being all girls, and Justin’s side having all boys.

So … why do you love your boy(s) or girl(s)? What makes their gender special and unique? I know there aren’t many of you reading this as I post yet, but once the posts go live (I’m thinking @ 12 weeks.), feel free to chime in then, too.

My thoughts … Girls are much more fun to dress, with cooler clothes. However, they can be very worrisome as teenagers. And oh, the attitude and drama! Boys, on the other hand, play cool sports and like doing fun boy things – fishing and helping daddy. Though there can be less drama, they can be more hard headed than girls.

What’s your take?

And this week brings … the bubble’s noggin, complete with mouth, nose and ears! Plus … the beginnings of limbs! Yay! My dear little 1/4″ long, size of a blueberry bubble, I love you! (Magnum, the reference to the blueberry totally makes me think of you! XOXOXO, my boys!)

from me …

The only way I can describe this is like the day after the flu. You know just what I mean. You feel like you want to eat, but can’t (Or just don’t have the energy to care!). You still feel somewhat sick, but not bad enough to be sick. You want to do normal things, but just don’t have the energy to even get up. I’m managing better today, but the past 4 or 5 days were tough. Oh, the joy! After a crazy day yesterday, I came home and thought I might actually watch all of RENT. Yeah, right! I fell asleep after about 45 minutes and slept for 13 hours! Oh my!

And let’s not forget the super cute cartoon series. Yippee!

from ivillage …

I’ve given up on them. Their website has too many popup ads and ends up driving me crazy. Besides, it rarely works on either of my Macs. Argh.

from babycenter …

Your pregnancy: 6 weeks

How your baby’s growing:
This week’s major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that you’ll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you’d find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby’s eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil bean.

from whattoexpect …

Week 7 of Pregnancy: Your Baby’s Limbs Develop
How does your baby grow? Pretty fast, actually. At seven weeks pregnant, your baby’s length is approximately a quarter of an inch — the size of a blueberry. Sounds pretty tiny still? Consider this for a little perspective: Your baby is 10,000 times bigger now than it was at conception a month ago.

The biggest fetal growth this week is your baby’s head (the better to store all those smarts in), with new brain cells being generated at the rate of 100 cells per minute. How’s that for a budding genius?

And talking about buds, your baby is going out on a limb this week as his or her arm and leg buds begin to sprout and grow longer (and stronger), dividing into hand, arm, and shoulder segments — and leg, knee, and foot segments (though the limb buds look more like paddles than hands or feet at this early stage).

Also forming this week are your baby’s mouth and tongue. And although your embryo is just one month old, it’s already gone through three sets of kidneys. The ones in place now are the permanent set and are poised to begin their important work of waste management. In about a week, your baby will start producing urine. Lucky for you, there’s no need for diapers (yet). As your baby matures inside you, much of that urine will be excreted into the amniotic fluid, swallowed again by your baby, and then excreted again in a continuous cycle.

What do you think the Chinese know about predicting gender? The Chinese Gender Chart (also known as Chinese Lunar Calendar) was said to be buried in a royal tomb over 700 years ago. The original is now kept in the Institute of Science of Peking. Fear not, though. My friends, there is an online version of the chart, and this online version tells me it’s a … BOY!

We’ll see … we’ll see. For now, I’m headed home for my afternoon nap! Yeehaw!

In advance, I want to tell the bubble that I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m recording all of this for your information, and my humor, later on down the road. Not that you’ll necessarily care, but I think I will. My gosh, I hope I’m not going to be one of those moms that records and keeps EVERYTHING. Heaven help me if I am. Family and friends, feel free to intervene if you see these characteristics playing out in my life.

For the record, I’m ready to shop. Not because I want or need anything yet, but because I want to start having fun! I’m ready for the bubble to look like a bubble – I think. I’m ready to make a bubble registry and decorate a bubble nursery. I am not ready to waddle like a bubble-infested-penguin. And I will politely refuse the feet and calves that look like prehistoric caveman clubs. I know, I’m picky.

Thankfully, today’s a good day. Granted, it took me forever to get out of bed this morning, and when I finally did manage to get up I felt like I’d been sleeping for 5 minutes instead of 8.5 hours, but overall, it’s a good day. No pungently aromatic popcorn (Yet.), no need for quiet time so I prevent hurling all over my desk, no queasiness in the car on my way to work. Sounds like a rockin’ good day to me!

I stumbled across this totally hilarious cartoon series and want to share it. I’ll post this week’s, and will keep ‘em coming from there! If you want to see those from the previous 4 weeks, they’re here, and are totally worth checking out!

Happy Thursday, everyone!