love dare.

Have you seen the movie Fireproof? If so, then you know about the love dare.

Let me back up. A few Saturday’s ago, we bought Fireproof – I’d heard great things about it but hadn’t gotten around to seeing it. It was certainly way more than I expected. Early on, I had a hard time getting past the production side of it – about halfway in, though, I was so into the story that it hardly mattered. If you’re looking for some inspiration, a reason to change some not so great habits/behaviors, or in need of a reality check, you should need to watch this movie – it truly is moving.

Personally speaking, I wouldn’t characterize our marriage as bad by any means. We’re not perfect, and thankfully, we’re far from terrible, too. From my perspective, we’ve got major two issues: communication (Huge, huge, huge.) and attitude/patience (This is all me.). There’s certainly room for improvement – no doubt about that.

After watching Fireproof, I felt a strong desire to learn more about the specifics of the love dare. Luckily, a quick google search led me to the site for the book. I purchased a copy and was so excited when it arrived.

Now, I’m on a mission. Late next week, I plan to begin the 40-day journey through the Love Dare. I’d like to say that I’m doing this for our marriage, but that wouldn’t be the complete truth – it’s indirectly for our marriage in my mind. More like I’m looking for the change in my habits, perspectives and behaviors to change me, thereby have a positive impact on our marriage. Perhaps that’s the whole point. Maybe I’ll find differently as I work through the Love Dare, but I don’t think it will help improve our communication issues – directly. It should, however, help me with my attitude. Perhaps that change will in turn help to improve communication and the barriers my husband has to communicating with me. Indirectly. We’ll see.

Either way, it can’t hurt, right?

Speaking of communication, here are my thoughts – from my skewed perspective. It’s been noted that my husband is not the best communicator. I’m not the only one who’s come to this realization, so though I like to give him a hard time about it, I’m not picking on him – it’s a known fact. On the other hand, I’m a listener – I’m used to plenty of people talking to me about various things. I’m used to lots of incoming communication. Instead of this being all my husband’s fault, could it be possible that we’re both just on completely different ends of the spectrum? Could it be that he under-communicates and I am accustomed to over-communication? Perhaps there’s a common ground we could find that would suit both of us. Perhaps we’ll find that common ground while on this walk through the Love Dare.

I’ve also been known to keep things to myself … just by chance – perhaps some of the issues I have with our communication is based on that underlying issue. Do I expect him to know I want to communicate and expect him to draw those thoughts out of me? Seems unfair, doesn’t it? Maybe he’s not the only one with communication issues after all. Instead, perhaps our communication issues just take on different forms. He doesn’t communicate what needs to be communicated, whereas I do. Instead, though, I don’t communicate what I need to in order to feel connected to him. And expecting him to figure that out isn’t right.

Historically, I’ve interpreted his lack of communication as him not caring. Silly, I know, but that’s how I feel. I know better than that – he’s an amazing man, a caring husband, and an incredible father.

We’ll see how the Love Dare works out when it comes to my perspective on life in general as well as my relationship with my husband. Only time will tell, right?

I’ll keep ya posted!

P.S. – If you’re curious about what’s involved in the Love Dare, you can download a sample chapter right here – see the link for “Sample Chapter” at the top?

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4 responses to “love dare.

  1. Hey my hubby and I are on the 2nd day of the Dare. I guess we kinda put the cart before the horse b/c even though we’d heard alot about the movie, we hadn’t watched Fireproof yet. I did pick it up from the library yesterday and we will watch it tonight. We’ve been married for 21 years this past November. We’ve certainly seen our share of ups and downs but one thing I’ve learned is that we can work through anything together. He was not a good communicator at all, it took years to get him to open up to me. It’s funny b/c when we first met, we stayed up all night talking, just talking. It was great. But you know things change.
    I had no intention of going on so I will stop for now and wish you the best of luck on your journey.

    • Sheila,
      Thanks so much for your comments! You’re right – things do change, and that change can be better or worse. I wish you and your husband the best of luck on your journey, as well. Hope you come back with an update – I’d love to know how you’re doing!

  2. Hey Mindy – how did it go…I LOVE the movie and I actually got the couple pack they sell that the Family Christian Bookstore….sadly we have not done it yet…but hey trip alone, time away…what a great time to start! :)

    • Well, you have the couple pack and haven’t done it, and I never finished the book! I really want to start again – it was fun and made life that much more positive. Maybe we could both start it soon? :)

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