Category Archives: humor

fun with song titles!

I’ve seen a few people do this and it seemed like fun — so why not!? Using only song titles from one artist, you are to cleverly answer these questions …

Instead of choosing an artist, I went with the artist playing at the moment … John Legend.

  1. Are you a male or female: “Show Me”
  2. Describe yourself: “Alright”
  3. How do you feel about yourself? “I Can Change”
  4. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: “Used to Love U”
  5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: “Stay With You”
  6. Describe your current location: “Coming Home”
  7. Describe where you want to be: “Refuge (When It’s Cold Outside)”
  8. Your best friends are: “Ordinary People”
  9. Your favorite color is: “Green Light”
  10. You know: “It’s Over”
  11. What’s the weather like? “Sun Comes Up”
  12. If your life was a television show what would it be called? “Satisfaction”
  13. What is life to you? “Live it Up”
  14. What is the best advice you have to give? “It Don’t Have to Change”
  15. If you could change your name what would it be? “Maxine”

And again with the artist on right now … Bob Marley.

  1. Are you a male or female: “Who the Cap Fit”
  2. Describe yourself: “Them Belly Full (But We Hungry)”
  3. How do you feel about yourself? “Want More”
  4. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: “Stop That Train”
  5. Describe your current boy/girl situation: “One Love”
  6. Describe your current location: “Concrete Jungle”
  7. Describe where you want to be: “Pimper’s Paradise”
  8. Your best friends are: “Positive Vibration”
  9. Your favorite color is: “Talkin’ Blues”
  10. You know: “So Much Trouble in the World”
  11. What’s the weather like? “Coming in from the Cold”
  12. If your life was a television show what would it be called? “Stir it Up”
  13. What is life to you? “Wake Up and Live”
  14. What is the best advice you have to give? “Lively Up Yourself”
  15. If you could change your name what would it be? “Duppy Conqueror”

This is so fun!

bits ‘n pieces

Well, it’s been a crazy few weeks in the “B” household. We’ve had some huge projects to finish before girlfriend’s arrival, and thanks to some great help from my dad and Justin’s mom, we’re rolling right through things! New windows have been installed, doors are hung, and there’s “Caribbean Sunset” paint on the walls! The floors are even started!

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Our “how to hatch” classes are still happening; one tonight, and our last class next Monday. I think they’ll prove to be useful, but I’m convinced that you’ve got to have an open mind! It’s hysterical to be taking this class next to my “partner,” or husband, as I prefer to call him. Some of the stuff he comes up with is so funny! Plenty of things I didn’t know and hadn’t thought of, and lots of good tips for a gal who’s 95% sure she’ll be having an “accouchement naturel” for this journey.

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My next appointment is this Wednesday – yippee! As far as I’m concerned, all is still well. I’ve really been blessed (Well, after the first 3 to 4 months of 24/7 nausea and vomiting …) — no crazy weight gain, swelling, stretch marks, heartburn, digestive “issues” (Sorry, TMI.) or other curses that plague many women. Let me rephrase and say none of these have happened YET; anything’s possible, and there are still 7 1/2 weeks left! Sleepless nights are all I’ve been dealt thus far, and I’m just treating those as though they’re only the beginning of the next 18 years of my life!

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This past Friday, I got a huge surprise — well, almost. A few things at work seemed “off,” but nothing that really got me thinking until I walked in the kitchen just after lunch. (How they made it until 15 minutes before without me knowing is still amazing to me. I’m never surprised, and they pulled it off!) One of my two cravings during this pregnancy has been oranges, so I went to the kitchen to peel one for an early afternoon snack. As I walked in, three of my co-workers were busy heating huge bowls of chocolate. Upon questioning, they swore the chocolate was for strawberries at their desk. Uh huh, yeah right. After a series of other suspicious acts, I was certain — it was the afternoon of my baby shower. It turned out to be an amazing afternoon; I can’t thank those that planned it enough — I had a great time! I am also so grateful for the gifts we received; people are so sweet! Girlfriend got lots of amazing gifts and plenty of necessities. Now we’re just waiting on her to get this party started! Many thanks to my co-workers; I’m still in awe, and everything is GREATLY appreciated!

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I’m a music addict, and can’t help but give an extra listen to the following two songs lately. The first had me in tears every time I heard it; thankfully, I’ve gotten over it and can now listen to the song in its entirety without shedding a tear. The second just makes me reflect on just how amazing this miracle really is.

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Darius Rucker – It Won’t Be Like This For Long

He didn’t have to wake up
He’d been up all night
Lying there in bed and listening
To his newborn baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says,
“It’s gonna be okay”

“It won’t be like this for long
One day we’ll look back laughing
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby, just hold on
It won’t be like this for long”

Four years later, ’bout 4:30
She’s crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at pre-school
She’s clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says, “What can I do?”
She says, “Now, don’t you worry
This’ll only last a week or two”

“It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you’ll drop her off
And she won’t even know you’re gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long”

Someday soon she’ll be a teenager
And at times, he’ll think she hates him
And he’ll walk her down the aisle
And raise her veil,
But right now she’s up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don’t mind
As he kisses her goodnight
And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her
‘Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watching her it breaks his heart
‘Cause he already knows

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
And this phase is gonna fly by
So he’s trying to hold on
It won’t be like this for long
It won’t be like this for long

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George Strait – I Saw God Today

I just walked down the street to the coffee shop
had to take a break
I’d been by her side for eighteen hours straight
I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk
pushing up through the concrete
like it was planted right there for me to see
the flashin’ lights, the honkin’ horns
all seemed to fade away
in the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today

Chorus:
I’ve been to church
I’ve read the book
I know He’s here, but I don’t look
near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I’d just slow down to stop and stare
opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today

I saw a couple walking by they were holding hands
Man, she had that glow
yeah I couldn’t help but notice she was starting to show
I stood there for a minute takin’ in the sky
lost in that sunset
a splash of amber melted in the shades of red

Chorus

I got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She’s sleeping like a rock
My name on her wrist wearing tiny pink socks
She’s got my nose, she’s got her mama’s eyes
My brand new baby girl
She’s a miracle
I saw God today

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This is a forward I received last week — SO funny!

The “Middle Wife” by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.”

“First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.”

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

“My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.” (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

“And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!” (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

“Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe.’ They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.”

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another “Middle Wife” comes along.

google away the time …

Okay, so I have many other things to be doing right now, but I saw this (Thanks, Eddie! Yours were hilarious!) and just had to see what I’d come up with. There are a few funny ones in there!

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Follow the instructions and then write the title of a link that shows up …

Q: Type in “[your name] needs” in the google search:

mindy needs … to find support, her head examined, to praise herself for a job well done, money, to find another person/family

Q: Type in “[your name] looks like” in google search:

mindy looks like … she has diamonds in her eyes, Catherine Zeta-Jones, she came straight off the lid of a Victorian chocolate box

Q: Type in “[your name] says” in google search:

mindy says … she tried to lock herself in her bedroom, that she loves entertaining seniors, hello

Q: Type in “[your name] wants” in google search:

mindy wants … something in the mail besides bills (Yeah!), to know where the nearest bar is, her other half, new challenges

Q: Type in “[your name] does” in google search:

mindy does … Minneapolis, it better

Q: Type in “[your name] hates” in google search:

mindy hates … sparkling wiggles, you, that its time to study again, me, math, to be scolded

Q: Type in “[your name] asks” in google search:

mindy asks … “Where would be a good place to put it in?” “What’s romantic to you?” “… if they’re a thing, not a happy thing.”

Q: Type in “[your name] goes” in google search:

mindy goes … into a deep depression, back to jail, McCrazy, back to rehab

Q: Type in “[your name] likes ” in google search:

mindy likes … to talk a lot, to be a little different, her new diet, to circle the ball through the legs

Q: Type in “[your name] eats” in google search:

mindy eats … banana with mommy, cats, and eats and doesn’t gain an ounce, one

Q: Type in “[your name] wears ” in google search:

mindy wears … blue jeans and a red ribbed top, same type of clothes every time, a cute sleeveless dress, many hats, fishnets and a short skirt

Q: Type in “[your name] was arrested for” in google Search:

mindy was arrested for … probation violation, being out of hand once again with pictures, driving under the influence, falsifying info on her community service report

for a good laugh …

People are funny. I’ve been watching the list of search terms for my blog for some time now, and would like to take a moment on a boring Friday afternoon to share some of them with you.

my dog ate mink oil, dog ate mink oil, mink oil eaten by dogs
Hey, so did mine! I hope yours has an iron stomach like mine; our four-legged vacuum cleaner was just fine after eating half the container. Then again, the monster has managed to safely consume a loaf of fresh bread, an entire meatloaf, a Thanksgiving turkey, a bag of Hershey’s Kisses complete with wrappers, newspapers, books, an entire box of cake mix, a portion of my husband’s Crocs, a box of tissues, part of a backpack, countless packs of gum, and plenty more that I’m forgetting. Good luck.

boots bottled water
No offense, but I wouldn’t drink the stuff. If there really is a company named ‘Boots’ that manufactures bottled water, they may want to rethink their brand name. Think word associations, people! Ick!

open spaghettios without can opener
Hercules, maybe? I don’t know, but I can open a film cartridge with a churchkey. Does that count? (Yes, I know a churchkey is just an old fashioned term for a bottle/can opener. Bad example.)

berm recipes
People, a berm is a mound of dirt. Now while I will admit that I ate my fair share of mulch as a young child (It’s true.), I would not recommend attempting to make anything edible out of a berm. Guess it’s all a matter of opinion, and who am I to judge?

time capsule composition
Is it really made of anything? I mean, it contains time. Go virtual; it’s way easier than burying something in the ground!

chironex fleckeri food
Are you saying you want to feed the killer box jellyfish? Hmmm …

pantone 18-1629
… is a lovely shade of faded rose. Hope it worked out for ya.

having fun in the rain in my boots
Please, invite me next time!

serious laughter!

I stumbled across this website when perusing another blog, and I’m so glad I did. It’s hilarious! The site is yearbook yourself. Upload your picture and see what you’d look like in yearbooks from 1950 to 2000. Here are some highlights of what I’d look like … SO funny!

1952 1960 1964 1966 1974 1980 1990 1996

And some of my husband …

j1952 j1954 j1960 j1970 j1974 j1982 j1984 j1988